Another crazy week.
This is getting out of hand!
I feel like every week, since we arrived in Turkey in September, I’ve been saying ‘Well, next week my schedule should be more settled…’, and it always turns out to be FALSE! My week is never more settled. Will it ever be? I don’t know. I’m starting to forget what my old predictable life felt like.
Anyway, this week I am officially quitting at my university job. I just got paid today (5 days late!), and thats it. Finite. Its over. And, my god, does it feel good.
Another change is also in the making. I have been having a steadily growing problem with my private lesson. The girl I teach is fine. No problem there. But things have been getting worse and worse in my dealings with her mother. It is pretty much impossible for me to get anything done because of the situation that exists there, and things have been a bit stressful and tense, but it all came to a head last night when the mother became openly hostile, insulting and just downright nasty with me. I was pretty shocked and rather upset by the treatment I received. Anyway, to make a long story short, I don’t think it is prudent for me to work for her anymore.
So, as crazy as this may sound, I think I will be breaking a new record for myself by quitting two jobs in one week! We have enough work between Richie and myself to make ends meet, and I went out today to look for more work, so I know things will work out okay. I just feel like I can’t keep putting up with horrible, depressing work situations, and I just can’t stomach going back to work for someone who actually personally attacks me and belittles me. I feel like my self respect is more important than money.
Anyway, not to worry. Things overall are great, and I’m just happy we are now in a financial situation where I am able to make decisions like this. I feel so liberated by this experience! Life is too short to put up with bad situations, especially when there are so many great opportunities out there. Sometimes, instead of sticking with the ‘evil’ that you know and that somehow seems more safe and predictable, you have to take a risk, make the leap, and see what happens. I feel like Istanbul certainly is a place of great opportunity for anyone who is a bit resourceful, who perseveres, and who is willing to take a chance. It feels good to trust myself to make the right decision, even if it sounds a bit crazy and things are uncertain. And I think too, that freedom is a state of mind, and you can either choose to be a slave to circumstance and your own fear of the unknown, or you can choose to be free and trust in yourself and in the basic goodness of life. If you keep trying to live well, things will work out. One thing that I think holds me back in situations like this is the fear that I’m just being irresponsible. Living and acting responsibly is extremely important, but I sometimes think that I mistake responsible behavior for behavior that is just plain masochistic or stupid! Its like coming up to an obstacle in your path, like a wall, and just ramming your head into it over and over again, instead of being more clever and realizing you could just walk around it.
So, in summary, this is a week of FREEDOM, REVOLUTION and AND EXCITING NEW OPPORTUNITIES! The adventure continues!