It’s once again time for a soul-searching, existential crisis and re-assessment of EVERYTHING. Having been blogging for over a year now, and having a record of all my crazy emotional and mental ups and downs, I see that I went through this same type of thing last winter. It is also likely that I do this every winter. So, I might as well stay true to form and do it again now.
I am contemplating making a few relatively small, but necessary changes in my life. For one thing, I feel like I need some change in my work schedule. I am working a reasonable amount of hours, but I have been working 6 days a week since the end of the summer, and I just don’t feel like I can keep this up. I definitely think it’s time to find a better balance between making time for positive, healthy, rejuvenating activities or non-activities, and the need to earn the money necessary for daily living and savings for important future needs. I do like my job, but sometimes I feel like it’s all I have time for. I do in fact have a reasonable amount of free time, but it’s generally in the mornings, and I rarely have an evening free to meet people with ‘normal’ jobs, I work all weekend and I can’t even go to yoga or anything, because I’m working all the times classes are on, except for my Monday mornings (thank god I’ve at least had that!). So, especially with feeling the winter blues, I want to make time for at least one evening of yoga during the week. Maybe I’ll also have more time then on an evening off to call people at home and stay in better touch with friends and family. I miss everyone so much, but often in the evenings, after hours of work and heating up some dinner, and relaxing for a bit, it’s already late and time for bed. I’ve really been feeling like staying in better touch with everyone is a major priority for me right now, so I need to make that happen.
So, a small change to my schedule should give me the space to do those things that I need to keep my sanity and put a bit of fresh energy and joy into my life.
I’ve also been trying to read some uplifting and inspiring books lately, to get me in a better headspace and help me put my plans into action. I am definitely the sort of person that needs to reason with myself and think things through and have a purpose, otherwise the actions, however positive, just seem to miss the mark. Thought, attitude and action all need to be working together.
I’ve been making more time to get myself resettled into regular meditation. Wow. It’s amazing how far one’s mind can stray if you take time off from regularly centring yourself, consciously relaxing and reconnecting with reality. My thoughts are just all over the place! But it’s been good just being back on the cushion again and re-learning how to breathe and let go. Along with meditating, I’ve been trying to fill my mind up with positive and wholesome thoughts. I’ve been reading a bit of poetry. I’ve been reading books about meditation philosophy and practice. I’ve been trying to get back to the basics of life.
Because, what’s it all about really? We’re here on this earth for such a short time. Far too short a time to get swallowed up in your job, or live to earn money, or feel anxious and stressed because you can’t do everything perfectly, or to want what other people have, or to be someone you’re not. People have lots of thoughts and interpretations on what the meaning of life is, and I don’t really know what I think the ‘meaning’ is, or if there even is an overall meaning. But I do think it’s completely miraculous that we exist at all, and we are totally capable of living with compassion and kindness and intelligence. We can make wise decisions, and be useful and helpful to people around us, we can contribute something positive, no matter how small, to the world around us. If we believe we are weak and useless and always failing at life, then that’s how we’ll be. But I do think that if we see the good in ourselves, other’s and the whole crazy world, then we will live like good people and have so many reasons for happiness. It really uplifts me to remember that we all have that divine spark, or enlightened quality, and we’re all fully capable of living with love and joy!
So, there. That’s my inspirational thought for the day. The sun is shining and the birds are singing and Richie and I have an extra day off today, so we’re heading to the ferry for a trip across the Bosphorus to enjoy the spring-like weather while it lasts. It’s definitely a day to celebrate being alive!